1986

Alone in my room at Abuela's house

Listening to Metallica's 'No Remorse'

feeling that dopamine rush during the line: 'War Without End'

Fuck

I really wished you'd come through my window

and rescue me

from this pathetic, teenage angst

So much frustration

So much restlessness

So much longing 

for something I didn't even know could exist

but just had to be

It just had to

If it never existed, I would have created it

I wanted you to come through my door

and just hug me

so I could bury my face in your hair's fragrance

and just escape into that blissful oblivion

We could just walk the streets of Coral Gables 

hand in hand, amongst the rows of trees 

The dusk was never more painful 

than this feeling of lack 

I imagined us meeting at the rec center

in some sort of glorious, historic moment

The stickiness of an orange drink sealed my fate for all time

I blew it

Did you ever want something... so bad

that your insides started caving in? 

I felt something electric about that could have happened,

that should have happened, but never did

It was like being near the birth of a star

but never, ever getting to witness it

Imagine swimming in an ocean of bullets... but you don't even have a gun

Seeing everyone else around me attaining this wish, almost without effort

is a truly hideous thing

a truly hideous thing

truly hideous 

hideous

so fucking hideous